(originally written January 6, 2010)
I’m lying here, wide awake, wondering why I’m feeling this way – a sudden wave of sadness, which can’t be explained by my head. A simple pain stinging my heart. But why? Everything is on the right track right now, and I’m so excited by this growth I’m experiencing.
All a sudden, it hits me. Loneliness – that’s what I’m feeling. I know everything I’m going through is good, but it still causes some pain. Pain for losing my old self, being stripped away from her. I know I’m not her anymore, but it’s definitely hard to let go of someone you’ve become so attached to over the years.
And it’s not just loneliness from this separation. It’s also knowing that I have to go through this by myself – knowing I can’t let in anyone who is going to try to fill my head with negative ideas. Because this is the time I need to listen to Spirit/God/my Higher Self more than anything. And it’s hard to hear me when everyone else is yacking in my ear. It’s time I realize that I am the only true authority on what I want in life, what I need, what my true path is that I should be following.
All my life, I’ve learned to live in this bubble of fear. And I was convinced that others knew what was right for me, when in reality, I knew all along. No wonder I grew up to be so afraid of the world. Fear has been ingrained in me all my life, as it has with many people in this world. And then we wonder why our self-esteem suffers, why we lack the confidence to go after what we truly want in life instead of just what was set up for us. Why do we let others create us? Create our lives? It’s a sad truth in this world, but we always have the ability to take back our power. For the first time in my life, I feel complete freedom to take what I want, to do what I want, to see myself as who I really am and not what I was trying to be for everyone else. It’s absolutely amazing to feel and see this now. I am truly blessed.
And part of this process, a big part actually, is the realization that God/the universe has it all taken care of for us. All we have to do is trust in that and let it be. Everything happens in perfect order and perfect timing. And it’s all taken care of. We just have to claim it. Just that realization alone has taken away so much anguish and fear and anxiety. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, with all these changes, now what? I guess I’ll just keep traveling down my path, listening to my Spirit along the way. And allow myself to experience the loneliness that comes with this journey. I know that when I’m ready, Life will bring me that connection I long for with others. Until then, I will keep listening to my Higher Self and growing toward God, toward Love and Peace, toward my true destination.
“. . . There will be an answer; Let it be, Let it be. . ."
Listen to “Let it Be” by the Beatles here: